If Britannia ruled the waves

We had to laugh at the weekend over the comments made by Carnival’s senior cruise director, John Heald, in his personal blog. John, as you may know, has an extensive cult following as well as providing valuable insight into the world of Carnival.

Anyway, John, blogging from Venice, where he was attending the naming of Holland America Line’s Nieuw Amsterdam, extended special, tongue-in-cheek congratulations to his friends from the USA on the occasion of Independence Day:

“Let me finish with a special wish to my American friends for a very Happy Fourth Of July… I hope you have a great family day celebrating killing my great, great, great, great grandfather. Personally, I wish we had won… then I could get a decent cup of tea on the ships.

“The Queen, The Mad Duke and the blind Prince with the jug ears and his horse… sorry, wife, would be living at the White House.

“The letter ‘U’ would be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘honour’ and ‘splendour’. Likewise, you would learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘ize’ would be replaced by the suffix ‘ise’.

“You would all say ‘bugger’ instead of ‘daaaaamn’.

“You would drive on the correct side of the road and eat with the fork in the left hand.

“The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Only proper British Bitter should be called beer.  Budweiser should be referred to as ‘NearFrozenCamel’sPisseiser.’

“The national sport would be cricket and Denny’s would serve Yorkshire Pudding and Spotted Dick… for breakfast.”

All this got us thinking here at Cruise Critic… If Britannia still ruled the waves, how might cruising have changed, other than being able to get a proper cup of tea on a ship?

The early dinner sitting would be much quieter, for a start. The gym on board would probably be empty, too.

Nobody would go to the shopping talks.

Those massive tray-plates in the buffets of the big cruise lines would be smaller as we Brits prefer to make return visits rather than pile our chocolate pudding on the same plate as the garlic prawns and blue cheese dressing.

The midnight buffet may never have evolved at all – perhaps it would have become a kebab stall instead.

Tipping would never have reached the level of complication it has today, although there might be a pot on the bar for loose change.

Yes, life at sea would be very different without the influence of our American cousins, to whom we at CruiseCritic.co.uk also extend our (belated) July Fourth good wishes. Do add your own observations to the list! SJB


1 Comment

Filed under Advice, Cruise Lines, New Ships, Opinion

One response to “If Britannia ruled the waves

  1. If only we had won………
    Residents over the pond would realise that there has been a ‘u’ in aluminium all along and they have been pronouncing it wrong as aluminum all along.
    They would know the difference between irony and humour
    And they wouldn’t have difficulty in pronouncing Leicestershire, Loughborough and Worcester.

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